Smoke Alarms & Other Things That Go In The Night

If you’ve never been woken from good, solid sleep by a smoke alarm, then please trade smoke alarms with me. I’d just like to know why the batteries only want to die while I’m sleeping. They can’t do it during the day, for some reason. It’s just evil, I tell ya. I already have a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep and, sure enough, when I do finally fall asleep I have something that will wake me up. Every time.

One of the things that I didn’t anticipate when becoming single was the many noises and things that would keep me awake during the night. Things that I likely would have dismissed when I was married. And this house has more than its share of wild noises. Back in October 2016 I had a slight problem with possums in my cellar. Or… not so slight. My landlord actually ended up trapping 5. Five possums were living in my cellar. I would hear them moving around at night, and at one point they were even IN the vents. Yep. Because that’s not at all terrifying, especially when you’re trying to sleep and they are just waking up. I actually gave up heat from my vents so I could close and cover my vents with heavy things because I was scared a possum would climb through them and eat us while we’re sleeping.



Then, another night I woke up to incessant beeping. It sounded like a smoke alarm dying, but the noise was coming from the carbon monoxide detector, which then freaked me out. I wasn’t feeling dizzy yet, so I asked Google what it sounds like if the carbon monoxide alarm is going off. Guess what, it sounds like a smoke alarm dying. So I started to panic a little at 1am and ended up calling the gas company. They came and checked and everything was fine. Of course. So the battery came out and there it sat for months.


And let’s not forget toys. Can someone please tell me why they make toys that don’t have an OFF button or that go off all by themselves?! Hello!!! I watched Chucky and too many other movies where toys and things came to life. That’s not how I want to go! I don’t want to be wakened during the night by something singing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star”. That’s just creepy!! Even creepier is when the toy, like this one by Leap Frog, wakes up and says your child’s name that you programmed into it. I’m telling you, this is what nightmares are made of.


I also recently had a raccoon or squirrel IN my wall. It finally chewed its way out. I’m just thankful that it chewed a hole to the outside and not the inside. I’ve also been woken up by random beeping that stops when I get out of bed and fully awake to investigate. I’ve been woken by a pinwheel spinning in my plant outside. I’ve been kept awake by a little key thing on my electric meter outside. For the longest time I was convinced that the noise was coming from a critter in the cellar. Again. I was relieved, annoyed, and a bit embarrassed when I found the true source of the noise. I also had a cat stuck in the cellar once, so then I had dreams that there was a whole litter of kittens down there.

Yep. This is what I do instead of sleeping. I lay awake and imagine the worst possible scenario and convince myself that someone is going to break in and I’m going to have to fend them off with a creepy toy. Maybe that would be the time when my smoke alarm would go haywire. Actually, that would be perfect timing.



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